Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
thoughts on progression and nostalgia on a foggy, grey day
a conversation between hannah and i today sparked thoughts of simplicity, the way the world was when i was younger and memories of home:
they're ruining our view
taking up space, making noise all day
digging up dirt for another structure
not worth living in
construction is destruction
rich folks want the view of the bay
and the sunset all for themselves
what about the little guys
we live in a building that's over 100 years
with four stories, our view is stunted here
but we make do with what already exists
rather than spend millions
for condos that will be lonely
what happened to a nail and hammer?
where did the kerosene heaters go?
wood burning stoves and fireplaces that really burn WOOD?
where are all the typewriters and gas stoves?
who stole all the turntables?
what is that robot hand of a robot god doing
tearing up the parking lot
across from me on market street?
what's an mp3?
do humans even still bleed?
all these buttons on an unrecognizable tv
what happened to old tractor tire swings?
horses and buggies in the streets?
who looks forward to the county fair?
do you eat breakfast with your mayor?
basketball in winter, football in fall
i miss the slow pace of a small town where everyone knows who you are and you've got someone to call on for every task. where men, hammers, screw guns and saws come together and build a barn or house within days while the women keep food and coffee fresh. where friends stop by just cause they were going for a drive and saw you sitting on the front porch swing.
you go out for dinner and always see familiar faces. where folks wave when they ride their bike, or drive their buggy/tractor by your house, even if you don't know who they are.
auctions and benefit bake sales are a social gathering. you go christmas caroling every winter at the nursing home because it's just what you do. your family goes hunting for food and sport, but mostly for food. animals are raised for food and loved dearly. one acre gardens aren't uncommon and neither is leaving a locked box (honor system) for money with your extra produce to sell to customers going by.
fish frys and carnivals at school. choir concerts, community theatre, musicals and plays.
i could go on and on.
they're ruining our view
taking up space, making noise all day
digging up dirt for another structure
not worth living in
construction is destruction
rich folks want the view of the bay
and the sunset all for themselves
what about the little guys
we live in a building that's over 100 years
with four stories, our view is stunted here
but we make do with what already exists
rather than spend millions
for condos that will be lonely
what happened to a nail and hammer?
where did the kerosene heaters go?
wood burning stoves and fireplaces that really burn WOOD?
where are all the typewriters and gas stoves?
who stole all the turntables?
what is that robot hand of a robot god doing
tearing up the parking lot
across from me on market street?
what's an mp3?
do humans even still bleed?
all these buttons on an unrecognizable tv
what happened to old tractor tire swings?
horses and buggies in the streets?
who looks forward to the county fair?
do you eat breakfast with your mayor?
basketball in winter, football in fall
i miss the slow pace of a small town where everyone knows who you are and you've got someone to call on for every task. where men, hammers, screw guns and saws come together and build a barn or house within days while the women keep food and coffee fresh. where friends stop by just cause they were going for a drive and saw you sitting on the front porch swing.
you go out for dinner and always see familiar faces. where folks wave when they ride their bike, or drive their buggy/tractor by your house, even if you don't know who they are.
auctions and benefit bake sales are a social gathering. you go christmas caroling every winter at the nursing home because it's just what you do. your family goes hunting for food and sport, but mostly for food. animals are raised for food and loved dearly. one acre gardens aren't uncommon and neither is leaving a locked box (honor system) for money with your extra produce to sell to customers going by.
fish frys and carnivals at school. choir concerts, community theatre, musicals and plays.
i could go on and on.
the key to my lock resides in me
"my aunt always said the world will never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and begged for forgiveness"--jack kerouac, on the road
this may be true, but i've come to terms that sometimes i have to get on my knees and apologize to my self. i deserve better than what i give my mind, body and spirit sometimes.
dear self,
you are beautiful and divine. you deserve more love than i can imagine and i'm going to be the one to give it to you. you are worthy and by loving you, i will only be able to love others more. you deserve to be taken care of and treated like a goddess, everyday. i love you!
with love,
tabatha
lately i've had conversations with some of the amazing women in my life and with myself about the power that we posess. we are the bearers of life. we are the nurturers and gardeners of our environment. we are full of grace, love, joy and patience. that's the kind of woman i aspire to be.
recently in a conversation with two of my beautiful female friends who are a few years wiser than i am--i said "he never contacted me, so i didn't go. i guess he was just busy." both of them at the same time responded with: "if he wanted you there, you would have been there."
at first that felt like a smack in the face, but the reality is that it's truth. such a lesson in life. it may have just been a slipped thought of his, but either way--if i was meant to be there, i would have been.
i had built up expectations in my mind for another being, and not only is that not fair, but it's not loving. it's not loving to myself, who comes first and it's not loving to others. the only expectations i can build up are for myself and with that i can only hold myself accountable. i harbor no malicious thoughts towards him. i feel very blessed to call him friend.
more often than not, i forget that i can stand alone on my own two feet without the affection or attention of a man. i'm quitting that behavior. it's natural to crave the attention, but we must realize that we don't need it to survive. there are some amazing men in my life, but i've realized the way i discover the beautiful characteristics and desirable traits about them is to be their friend first. if love happens later down the line, you win twice.
just within the past year, i have become increasingly aware of the power i hold within myself and how i can use it to my advantage in a positive way without hurting others. i hold the key to my lock, and always will.
i'm still feel completely awkward at times when it comes to men and dating, but i'm focusing on just being. i'm focusing on loving myself so much that i create that i am a strong, independent, self-loving and respecting woman. if others see that i love myself and i'm evolving each day; great, i've made a friend. if not, i wish them well on their journey.
as a girl, i have to admit that i've still never been on a proper date. the kind where he calls, asks for a date then picks you up at your door. you go out to the activity he's planned, the date is wonderful, he drops you at home without inviting him in, and ends with a proper kiss goodnight.
maybe that only happens in the movies, but i'll keep waiting to see if that's true.
this may be true, but i've come to terms that sometimes i have to get on my knees and apologize to my self. i deserve better than what i give my mind, body and spirit sometimes.
dear self,
you are beautiful and divine. you deserve more love than i can imagine and i'm going to be the one to give it to you. you are worthy and by loving you, i will only be able to love others more. you deserve to be taken care of and treated like a goddess, everyday. i love you!
with love,
tabatha
lately i've had conversations with some of the amazing women in my life and with myself about the power that we posess. we are the bearers of life. we are the nurturers and gardeners of our environment. we are full of grace, love, joy and patience. that's the kind of woman i aspire to be.
recently in a conversation with two of my beautiful female friends who are a few years wiser than i am--i said "he never contacted me, so i didn't go. i guess he was just busy." both of them at the same time responded with: "if he wanted you there, you would have been there."
at first that felt like a smack in the face, but the reality is that it's truth. such a lesson in life. it may have just been a slipped thought of his, but either way--if i was meant to be there, i would have been.
i had built up expectations in my mind for another being, and not only is that not fair, but it's not loving. it's not loving to myself, who comes first and it's not loving to others. the only expectations i can build up are for myself and with that i can only hold myself accountable. i harbor no malicious thoughts towards him. i feel very blessed to call him friend.
more often than not, i forget that i can stand alone on my own two feet without the affection or attention of a man. i'm quitting that behavior. it's natural to crave the attention, but we must realize that we don't need it to survive. there are some amazing men in my life, but i've realized the way i discover the beautiful characteristics and desirable traits about them is to be their friend first. if love happens later down the line, you win twice.
just within the past year, i have become increasingly aware of the power i hold within myself and how i can use it to my advantage in a positive way without hurting others. i hold the key to my lock, and always will.
i'm still feel completely awkward at times when it comes to men and dating, but i'm focusing on just being. i'm focusing on loving myself so much that i create that i am a strong, independent, self-loving and respecting woman. if others see that i love myself and i'm evolving each day; great, i've made a friend. if not, i wish them well on their journey.
as a girl, i have to admit that i've still never been on a proper date. the kind where he calls, asks for a date then picks you up at your door. you go out to the activity he's planned, the date is wonderful, he drops you at home without inviting him in, and ends with a proper kiss goodnight.
maybe that only happens in the movies, but i'll keep waiting to see if that's true.
Monday, January 25, 2010
did someone piss in your cheerios this morning?
i make mistakes. i say things i shouldn't say. i do things you may not like. i do things i don't like.
a lot of days i feel very broken. i am my very own, personalized, humpty-dumpty puzzle. most days i feel like i'm waking up to another day of trying to fit the pieces together. some days i can put a few pieces together; other days i wait for sleep so i can rest my mind from the puzzle of my life for at least a few hours, only to wake up and do it all over again. it's a labor of love, i guess. ultimately, i only have myself, so going through the ups and downs on this roller coaster of life is a privilege that is mine only and i should appreciate the uniqueness of my being.
most days i feel like a big loser, but can usually find something to be grateful for or something that makes me happy. the sun alone makes me feel good.
a lot of people i'm surrounded with say it's easy to choose to be happy, to be positive. while i agree, i can't ignore negative or bad feelings when they come around. people hurt me. i hurt people. it happens, i can't deny that life would be great if it were all love and acceptance. that'd be fucking awesome. it's just not the case though. all humans experience suffering in one form or another. sometimes it's difficult to show others love in the midst of suffering.
i hope you can love me while i'm suffering. love me when i'm up and when i'm down.
i'm not perfect and maybe the choices i make don't make sense in your eyes. but that's the beauty of the world-each and everyone of us is unique and we can't all fit into a mold or one idea of being.
if not, i wish you peace in your times of suffering and much love.
i'm a good-hearted person and if the world was ending, i'd be here for you.
a lot of days i feel very broken. i am my very own, personalized, humpty-dumpty puzzle. most days i feel like i'm waking up to another day of trying to fit the pieces together. some days i can put a few pieces together; other days i wait for sleep so i can rest my mind from the puzzle of my life for at least a few hours, only to wake up and do it all over again. it's a labor of love, i guess. ultimately, i only have myself, so going through the ups and downs on this roller coaster of life is a privilege that is mine only and i should appreciate the uniqueness of my being.
most days i feel like a big loser, but can usually find something to be grateful for or something that makes me happy. the sun alone makes me feel good.
a lot of people i'm surrounded with say it's easy to choose to be happy, to be positive. while i agree, i can't ignore negative or bad feelings when they come around. people hurt me. i hurt people. it happens, i can't deny that life would be great if it were all love and acceptance. that'd be fucking awesome. it's just not the case though. all humans experience suffering in one form or another. sometimes it's difficult to show others love in the midst of suffering.
i hope you can love me while i'm suffering. love me when i'm up and when i'm down.
i'm not perfect and maybe the choices i make don't make sense in your eyes. but that's the beauty of the world-each and everyone of us is unique and we can't all fit into a mold or one idea of being.
if not, i wish you peace in your times of suffering and much love.
i'm a good-hearted person and if the world was ending, i'd be here for you.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
for sound and music dorks
i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do. i love the display of the connection between sound and sight. SO COOL!
thanks to my friends at superforest.org for giving me this gift of sight and sound.
Time Piece
Charlie | MySpace Video
thanks to my friends at superforest.org for giving me this gift of sight and sound.
Time Piece
Charlie | MySpace Video
Thursday, January 14, 2010
i am all i need, anything or anyone else is icing on my cake
our history has already
been written, babe
today i saw your face
the first time this year
for ten minutes
i found my peace
my unsettled soul
is calmed by your
smile and loving eyes
no one can take away what we gave each other
she's still here
i'm doing better, but thoughts
of you both make me stumble
my breath catches in my chest
while my heart races
i search for solace
finding nothing but myself, alone.
fighting back tears
whole, big, perfect tears
full of sorrow and love
how can this be?
alone i am without all
alone i am all
been written, babe
today i saw your face
the first time this year
for ten minutes
i found my peace
my unsettled soul
is calmed by your
smile and loving eyes
no one can take away what we gave each other
she's still here
i'm doing better, but thoughts
of you both make me stumble
my breath catches in my chest
while my heart races
i search for solace
finding nothing but myself, alone.
fighting back tears
whole, big, perfect tears
full of sorrow and love
how can this be?
alone i am without all
alone i am all
just another night at lucky d's
eyes were like fireflys
ears surrounded by candy colored clouds
raise me up in branches
barricading your emotions from
sucking me down under
neath the roots of you
you revealed the
inside of the light
late one wednesday
a fateful existence
we are
chosen to evolve
humbly here
amidst energies of a cast of
past and present characters
ears surrounded by candy colored clouds
raise me up in branches
barricading your emotions from
sucking me down under
neath the roots of you
you revealed the
inside of the light
late one wednesday
a fateful existence
we are
chosen to evolve
humbly here
amidst energies of a cast of
past and present characters
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
okay, i've got it figured out 2010
this year i am going to be awesome at LIFE.
i am going to be awesome at living, at being.
i'm going to be independent, strong and kind.
i can DO anything! i can BE anything!
this is the year, my year.
the year i learn to stand on my own two feet and expand my knowledge and learning without feeling self conscious or worrying about what others will think.
this year, i will love my self more than i ever have because i am worthy.
and i will love others because they are worthy.
i will learn to just be, in the moment. i will love with no expectations.
my knowledge is power. but it's not power i seek, i seek knowledge so that i can continue to build myself into a better human being with hope that my example will inspire others to do the same. to empower themselves because they are worthy.
this year will be the year i transform into a higher level of consciousness and being while hoping that i will only continue to evolve as the decade unfolds.
i am woman, hear me ROAR.
i am going to be awesome at living, at being.
i'm going to be independent, strong and kind.
i can DO anything! i can BE anything!
this is the year, my year.
the year i learn to stand on my own two feet and expand my knowledge and learning without feeling self conscious or worrying about what others will think.
this year, i will love my self more than i ever have because i am worthy.
and i will love others because they are worthy.
i will learn to just be, in the moment. i will love with no expectations.
my knowledge is power. but it's not power i seek, i seek knowledge so that i can continue to build myself into a better human being with hope that my example will inspire others to do the same. to empower themselves because they are worthy.
this year will be the year i transform into a higher level of consciousness and being while hoping that i will only continue to evolve as the decade unfolds.
i am woman, hear me ROAR.
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