this may be true, but i've come to terms that sometimes i have to get on my knees and apologize to my self. i deserve better than what i give my mind, body and spirit sometimes.
dear self,
you are beautiful and divine. you deserve more love than i can imagine and i'm going to be the one to give it to you. you are worthy and by loving you, i will only be able to love others more. you deserve to be taken care of and treated like a goddess, everyday. i love you!
with love,
tabatha
lately i've had conversations with some of the amazing women in my life and with myself about the power that we posess. we are the bearers of life. we are the nurturers and gardeners of our environment. we are full of grace, love, joy and patience. that's the kind of woman i aspire to be.
recently in a conversation with two of my beautiful female friends who are a few years wiser than i am--i said "he never contacted me, so i didn't go. i guess he was just busy." both of them at the same time responded with: "if he wanted you there, you would have been there."
at first that felt like a smack in the face, but the reality is that it's truth. such a lesson in life. it may have just been a slipped thought of his, but either way--if i was meant to be there, i would have been.
i had built up expectations in my mind for another being, and not only is that not fair, but it's not loving. it's not loving to myself, who comes first and it's not loving to others. the only expectations i can build up are for myself and with that i can only hold myself accountable. i harbor no malicious thoughts towards him. i feel very blessed to call him friend.
more often than not, i forget that i can stand alone on my own two feet without the affection or attention of a man. i'm quitting that behavior. it's natural to crave the attention, but we must realize that we don't need it to survive. there are some amazing men in my life, but i've realized the way i discover the beautiful characteristics and desirable traits about them is to be their friend first. if love happens later down the line, you win twice.
just within the past year, i have become increasingly aware of the power i hold within myself and how i can use it to my advantage in a positive way without hurting others. i hold the key to my lock, and always will.
i'm still feel completely awkward at times when it comes to men and dating, but i'm focusing on just being. i'm focusing on loving myself so much that i create that i am a strong, independent, self-loving and respecting woman. if others see that i love myself and i'm evolving each day; great, i've made a friend. if not, i wish them well on their journey.
as a girl, i have to admit that i've still never been on a proper date. the kind where he calls, asks for a date then picks you up at your door. you go out to the activity he's planned, the date is wonderful, he drops you at home without inviting him in, and ends with a proper kiss goodnight.
maybe that only happens in the movies, but i'll keep waiting to see if that's true.
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